It's a damn cold night...

Forgiving is love's toughest work, and love's biggest risk. To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.
いつか失ってしまうのかな。薄れてゆく笑顔と君を守りたい。
-- D-technolife

If fate is a wheel, then we are the sand that is crushed between the cogs.

Don't judge a life by one difficult season.

独自并不代表孤单,在一群人中狂笑着有时更寂寞。
-- 吴庆康

At times it may not even seem rational, but the heart has a computing ability that is far more accurate and far more precise than anything within the limits of rational thought.
-- Deepak Chopra
于是我让孤独更孤独,有一种不是悲伤的悲伤,才是刻骨铭心的悲伤。
Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love.
-- St Francis.
People's actions are influenced by their expectations. People respond not just to what is happening now, but to what they anticipate will happen in the future.
-- Sloman
不管你会不会忘了我,我只想告诉你一个秘密。
--《不能说的·秘密》

Every action generates a force of energy that returns to us in like kind.
-- Deepak Chopra

The furthest distance in the world is not between life and death but when I stand in front of you yet you don't know that I love you.
-- Tagore
Do do not worry about tomorrow; it will have enough worries of its own. There is no need to add to the troubles each day brings.
-- Matt 6:34

まだ不器用に笑うね まだ悲しみが似合うから
キミに降る痛みを 拭ってあげたい すべて I for you
-- I For You

the optimistic pessimist

supposedly an adult, she thinks like an adult (too much, if you ask me). deep inside, she is nothing but a little girl, with her little lofty dreams and ideals. and oops, she is breaking them, one by one.
more often than not, she is just an angsty emo kid.

she is only but
a passer-by,

an onlooker,
a walking shadow.

and this girl can't stop writing.

she stalks

|| cyn bea bao zou mel ||
|| joan weepz ||
|| blockc yeanching lehia kexi zhenlin horace alvin dina sandra becca tzehee ||
|| cruzteng peifen dasmondkoh ||
|| xiaozhu xiaogui sunxiezhi ashin kangyong ||
|| derrick jinglun stefsun natho lawrencewong ||
|| feliciachin joannepeh jeanetteaw sharonaw ||
|| xiaohan hyr chimkang mingde dannyyeo ||
|| xuyunling alvinology mrbrown esther ||
|| drbondar psychdigest ||
|| kfdrawing iwrotethisforyou thingsweforget ||

After all, what is in the past but what we choose to remember? They can choose not to hide it, to take what's broken, to feel the pain and know that it will heal. They know where happiness lies, not in a cave or a country, but in love and the freedom to give and take what has been there all along.
-- The Bonesetter's Daughter

she watches on

Others desire to experience the blessedness of giving, but we often frustrate them by refusing their help.


“你有心事吗?”
“或许有一天,我会告诉你吧。”
--《不能说的·秘密》

she holds on

 Memories were also a way of looking in a mirror, but it was a jagged mirror of broken glass, one that cast imperfect reflections. Like shards, these memories drew blood.

February 2003 March 2003 April 2003 May 2003 June 2003 July 2003 September 2003 October 2003 November 2003 December 2003 January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 January 2012 February 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 March 2013 April 2013 May 2013 June 2013 July 2013 August 2013 September 2013 October 2013 November 2013 December 2013 January 2014 February 2014 March 2014 April 2014 May 2014 June 2014 July 2014 August 2014 September 2014 October 2014 November 2014 December 2014 January 2015 February 2015 March 2015 April 2015 May 2015 July 2015 September 2015 October 2015 November 2015 December 2015 January 2016 February 2016 March 2016 April 2016 May 2016 June 2016 August 2016 September 2016 October 2016 November 2016 December 2016 January 2017 February 2017 April 2017 May 2017 August 2017 September 2017 October 2017 November 2017 December 2017 January 2018 February 2018 April 2018 June 2018 July 2018 September 2018 October 2018 November 2018 December 2018 February 2019 April 2019 June 2019 August 2019 October 2019 December 2019 January 2020 February 2020 March 2020 April 2020 May 2020 July 2020 November 2020 February 2021 April 2021 July 2021 September 2021 November 2021 March 2022

she never gets

永远不会交的功课 || 永远不会实现的愿望

|| you ||

Responsibility means not blaming anyone or anything for your situation, including yourself... Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution.
-- Deepak Chopra

she thanks

Designer : Wei Jun
Brushes : Deviantart - Spy Glass

I don't know, I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I'm a pair of eyes and ears, and I'm just trying to stay safe and make sense of what's happening. I know what to avoid, what to worry about.I'm like those kids who live with gunfire going off around them. I don't want pain. I don't want to die. I don't want to see other people around me die. But I don't have anything left inside me to figure out where I fit in or what I want. If I want anything, it's to know what's possible to want.
-- The Bonesetter's Daughter

Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1

Tuesday, January 30, 2007
withers away @ 8:38 pm

wo li bu kai ta
ye liu bu zhu ta
xin xiang kong dang da ting
yi qie jiu yao zheng fa

wo li bu kai ta
feng liu bu zhu sha
yuan qu li de qian gua
shi si nian de shi cha
gen ji mo dui hua
li bu kai ta by wen lan

It's something Mystical

Monday, January 29, 2007
withers away @ 7:12 pm

i juz heard of smth.. the more i heard the more pissed off i got.. damn bloody pissed off.. now i have to force myself to have dinner coz im feeling v full... full of anger.. u bastard..

It's something Mystical

Sunday, January 28, 2007
withers away @ 10:15 pm

thank you Lord
for the trials that come my way
in that way i can grow each day
as i let u lead

and i thank you Lord
for the patience those trials bring
in the process of growing
i can learn to care

but it goes against the way i am
to put my human nature down
and let the spirit take control of all i do

'cause when those trials come
my human nature shouts the things to do
and God's soft prompting can be easily ignored
thank you Lord

It's something Mystical

Saturday, January 27, 2007
withers away @ 2:17 am

我不想对不起自己,更不想对不起你。
当两件事的利益互相冲突时…

It's something Mystical

Friday, January 26, 2007
withers away @ 1:53 am

we are not just taking up time and space on a rock that's floating in the universe. we are here with the opportunity to make an eternal difference with our lives. value people above possessions and our character above our performance.

It's something Mystical

Thursday, January 25, 2007
withers away @ 1:35 am

一定很安静,很安静,很安静。
不晓得为什么爱又稀少又昂贵

It's something Mystical

Wednesday, January 24, 2007
withers away @ 1:19 am

darius got me into another comm.. like he said himself, no other blkhead would go around all the comm heads to ask around for us.. really thank him for his effort..
i guess that means im staying for another yr.. i cant waste darius' effort lah.. sorry to my mum, tink i'll get to see her disappointed face again.. nv fail to disappoint her with things like this.. but i took things as they came and this is where it landed me.. that's wad i always do when i dunno wad to do.. coz i know i'll be led where im supposed to go.. so there.. cheer up gal:)
friends keep me sane... seriously..

It's something Mystical

Monday, January 22, 2007
withers away @ 2:40 am

这么做到底何苦呢…

It's something Mystical

Sunday, January 21, 2007
withers away @ 11:04 pm

“猜到和肯定还是有分别的。”-龙凤斗里的对白。好悲伤的结局,真的好悲伤。
它散发着一种淡淡的酸味,以那诱惑的气息深深吸引了我。

It's something Mystical

Saturday, January 20, 2007
withers away @ 10:54 pm

haha these few days were quite a mad rush..
on wed had lesson till 6+.. went back to hall, drank some soup to keep myself going, den went for trg.. after trg.. went for choir prac.. den went over to KR to support badminton.. decided to go coz i felt bad not supporting ihg so far.. so i went there to cheer our ppl man.. damn exciting rallies.. the spectators were all held in awe with powerful strokes delivered by both teams.. haha.. in fact all of us were squealing at the splendid display of skill..
on thurs after lesson we had lunch, then i went back hall and immediately went out of sch.. it wasn't raining then, but it started pouring soon after.. my matter was quickly settled, and so i was caught in the rain.. oh well.. den i came back to do my lab report.. and soon it was time to get ready for our netball match.. at first i thought they would postpone it.. well they didnt.. i didnt get to play though.. after that.. went back to have dinner and dance comm interview.. which was nthg much really.. and was then informed that there'll be a comm meeting at 10.. doink.. i was told it would end in abt half an hr.. we ended at 11.30.. -_- so i went back, changed, and tried not to fall while walking in my lvlmate's heels to the main road to get a cab.. greatest thing was.. the cab driver took a wrong turn.. i was actually wondering if it was the correct place, but the only thing i knew abt mos was that its near clarke quay so i decided it wasn't wise to voice out anything.. doink.. so when i met pin and joan i was still abit blur.. place was pretty ok.. music so-so.. drinks.. too diluted lah! i seriously didnt feel like i drank.. argh.. anyway we still had fun.. playing.. i dunno wad also.. haha.. somehow we do childish things when we're tgt haha.. den the both of them started to ko.. on the way back also ko.. still say want supper.. doink.. haha.. i dunno how i managed to survive with only a banana as dinner and still stay so awake and alive.. haha call it responsibility of a dajie man.. made both of them sleep while i still stoned in the dark.. of coz i went to slp later too..
on fri.. went to hand in my lab report den we had lunch at westmall.. wanted to watch movie at first but the 2 of them.. haha still ko.. so ask them go back and sleep.. i.. went out hehe.. it was an enjoyable time out.. straightened out some thoughts too.. thanks man! den i went back, took a super quick shower and came out to prepare to go for lorry supper! so fun!! imagine 3 fully loaded lorries with a few cars all going out to places in sg for supper in the middle of the night.. haha.. i was in kexi's car.. she didnt know the way so actually wanted to follow a lorry one.. but it went the wrong way and so.. we went back to hall to follow weicheng's car.. he was just simply chiong-ing all the way lah! going zig zag loh.. keep changing lane.. haha.. kexi was driving at abt 100km/h or more to keep up with him haha.. so we finally reached bedok 85.. had some food there.. talked and laughed over stupid stuff.. den we proceeded on to.. thomson to have prata! the ice cream prata is nice lah! had milo dinosaur too.. yumyum.. den we went to geylang to have soy bean milk.. it was tough finding space to park! and we met 2 super impolite motorcyclists who just drove into a car parking lot and stared at us, refusing to go.. we decided to not bother abt them since it was all gals in the car.. thankfully that was our last stop.. by the time go back hall.. it was.. nearly 5.. haha.. good one man i survived!
today.. ok lah nthg much.. as usual on sat, just sit in front of the tv and watch the shows that mum helped me record over the past wk.. at least can rest le hahaha..
ting shuo nan fang cong lai bu hui you ji mo
ting shuo zai hai bian shi jie mei you jin tou
ni ku zhe gao su wo
ni he ta meng xiang de zhong zhong
wo hui shi ni yu tian de hu po
yong bao ni de wen rou

hao xiang kan ni de xiao rong
dui li kai de ta shuo
ni xin zhong na fen mei li
zen me zhao dou bu hui zai you

qing qing chu mo wei lai yao yuan de feng
you yi tian ni hui zhao hui ni de meng
xing fu shi kan de tou er bu shi
she bu de ta de suo you

man man chu mo tian kong nuan nuan de huo
wo zai zhe tian hei le ye bu hui zou
ni de kuai le chu le ta
hai you wo yong yuan shou hou
bu yao nan guo

ting shuo dong tian ye zi shou le hui lian hong
ting shuo zai tian kong you mi ren de xing zuo
yi qi qu tan xian ba
ye xu ni hui xi huan er gan dong
ni chen mo de shi hou
wo zhi dao ni de xin hai hen tong

zhen xiang kan ni de xiao rong
dui ni de ta da sheng shuo
ni xin zhong na fen mei li
zen me zhao dou bu hui zai you
chu mo by chen weilian

It's something Mystical

Monday, January 15, 2007
withers away @ 12:20 am

mum: if u can stay in hall next yr would u stay?
me: erm ah eh.. yah i think so..
mum: oh ok.. hmmm.. (reluctantly) ur choice lah.. u are old enough le..
oh man tell me wad's the right choice..

oh yah! totally out of point: death note 2: the last name is damn nice lah! i really like the plot.. v clever.. light is so clever.. L too.. okok no spoilers.. =x

emotions are all part of life.. u have ups, u have downs, and only when they come in torrents do i feel like im actually living a life.. so now i offically say, i <3 my life and esp the ppl in it, coz they are the ones making me feel:D

thanks to proj superstar, i got to listen to this old old old old song.. its a whole list of qns.. v meaningful.. dunno why im like into oldies.. english and chinese alike.. crazy le..

zai yong ji de jie tou
ni zai mang lu de zhui qiu shen me
zai gu ji de jiao luo
ni zhi dao shi qu de ye duo

zai yong you de jiao luo
ni shi fou ceng jing hao hao zhen xi
zai shi qu de shi hou
shi fou yi ran na me zai yi

yi sheng yao shi bai ji hui
cai zhi dao cheng gong de yi yi
yi sheng yao ai guo ji hui
cai liao jie ai de zhen di
yi sheng yao shi bai ji hui
cai zhi dao cheng gong de yi yi
yi sheng yao ai guo ji hui
cai liao jie ai de zhen di

sheng ming guo ke by tong an ge

It's something Mystical

Saturday, January 13, 2007
withers away @ 9:54 pm

这个星期快要告一段落了,我的生日庆祝也结束了。这是个非常有意义的生日,也有好多惊喜,好多的第一次。能这么开心地迈入二字头(偷哭),得感谢好多人耶,不介意就让我一一感谢吧。
zoo>和你们出去总是可以很自在。都多大的人了,大家混在一起时还是和小孩没两样。引起大众的注意之余,也闹得很开心。大家也不知干什么,几小时就这样过去了。谢谢你们请我吃的大餐(好怀念哦…还没还我钱的两个人给我自动一些XD),还有礼物。你们的爱我不会忘的<3
joan, pin, pw grp>礼物好可爱!我回到房间骄傲地让朋友看,她硬要我把它拆了再重新弄好,我也就照办了。我从没看过这种玩意儿,真的好可爱,也很实用。每回用的时候就会想起你们吧。辛苦你们咯,找我的包包还找蛮久的:D
c-towners>当然知道我们有在午夜十二点帮寿星庆生的习惯,但也不敢期盼些什么。况且那只是开学第二天,我一直在想,会有谁来得及记得帮我买蛋糕呢,又有谁有空呢。好怕会根据“习俗”而遭遇“不测”,所以当 samson 叫我下楼时我还超不敢下呢。最后一踏进 lounge 里头,看到里面人好多,马上有股暖流涌上心头,觉得好感动。生日歌是唱了,但蜡烛还没点。所以有人点了蜡烛,关了灯,再唱了一遍。过后就忙着分蛋糕给大家,说起来那蛋糕真的很好吃,secret recipe 买的。过后快凌晨两点的时候吧,jiafen 还特地走到我房间祝我生日快乐,好温暖。
ling ling>她竟然还记得!她的生日比我早三天,没有祝她生日快乐还觉得蛮内疚的。
fiona>这很偶然,因为当时我在前往上课的路上,就在巴士上碰到了,她劈头就一句生日快乐。记性好好哦,如果是我肯定在那人下车后才会猛然想起。
shaun>惊喜惊喜。我从来没和他说过我的生日,而这家伙竟从 friendster 知道了。说到这里,我应该去查查他的生日吧。
joel>忘了有没有和他说过,但还是觉得蛮意外的。
ch>真的没想到,所以真的还蛮感动的。
zh>谢谢你。对不起。
20岁的生日已经那么好了,21岁的生日,可能更好吗?XDXD

It's something Mystical

Tuesday, January 09, 2007
withers away @ 12:02 am

00:00 came and went.
IM OLD!!! *bawls* haha

It's something Mystical

Saturday, January 06, 2007
withers away @ 10:51 am

在白天时头脑很清醒,不知道搞什么到了夜里就全都乱了,有时还会做些匪夷所思的东西。

It's something Mystical

Friday, January 05, 2007
withers away @ 12:18 am

i don't want to think of the future.. coz v naturally i think of all the negativity. and its true that there's alot of negativity. haiz.. im v tired..

It's something Mystical

Thursday, January 04, 2007
withers away @ 11:26 pm

bidding is driving all of us crazy.. im really going mad liao.. internally.. alot of things on my mind now.. shit.. bleah must handle one at a time.. but no time le! ahhhh
haha okok ignore the above babbling.. hoho

It's something Mystical

Wednesday, January 03, 2007
withers away @ 10:51 pm

暗地里的潜移默化还蛮可怕的。

It's something Mystical

Tuesday, January 02, 2007
withers away @ 10:55 pm

一个别人很难理解的情感,一份很深的感情。
只要你一通电话,不管什么时间什么地方,我都一定会赶到。不管发生什么事,我都会站在你这边。一个可以完全让我依靠的人。
这种感情,是否比爱情来得更珍贵?我一直找不到答案。
能拥有像亦琛和以珊一样的关系那该多好。他们经历了多少事情,多少波折才走到这一步,有了个happy ending。其实,在我们的人生当中,追求的不也就是个happy ending 吗?

It's something Mystical